margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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