my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
please don't ironically join a cult
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