I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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