I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
