your parents love me but you hate me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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