If i come over, it means nothing
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
