yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
