today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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