My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
