Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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