There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
