you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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