That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
