I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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