Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
