i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
