I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
