Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
