You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
