We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
