3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
