I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
