Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
