I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
