Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
