It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
