i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
