i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
