you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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