fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
