8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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