In the future we'll all be gay
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
