I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
