I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
