I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
