you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
