my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
