capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The air taste purple.
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