Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
