Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
