Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
