I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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