I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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