i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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