so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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