found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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