My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Congratulations! We have a period
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
