Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
