wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
