Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
