I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
