Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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