Best friends brother. Beat that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
