Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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