FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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