i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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